Stronger not skinnier.

For most of my adult life I have had an interesting relationship with food, with my body and with my mind.  So many of us do, am I right? My body is never something I have been proud of, I have never really made it a priority to love it and to take care of it.  Same goes for my mind really, I let it overthink and obsess far too much never really taking care of my mental health.

Growing up I learned the basics of nutrition and exercise but I don't think that our generation were really taught about taking care of your mind.  Mental health was something that was almost scoffed at.  The word, 'stressed' was banded around a lot but nobody really seemed to take mental health very seriously.

If you've come across my blog before or know me personally you will know that my mum has suffered with anorexia nervosa for most of her life and therefore I grew up witnessing her daily battles.  This disorder also meant that although she tried her best to protect us from it, I developed an unhealthy outlook on eating and my body image.  I have never been anorexic, it just meant that over the years I treated my body utterly disrespectfully and allowed my mind to tell me I was fat, ugly and unworthy.  This in turn meant that I was never motivated to learn about the ins and outs of nutrition and only ever exercised in the pursuit of a flat stomach.

By 2012 I was living alone and was well versed on surviving on Diet Coke, sweets, the odd block of cheese, cucumber and a few other things in between.  I loved all the 'bad' foods and would deprive myself all day long so that I could eat that pizza on Friday night with my boyfriend.  In my head I was surviving and fitting in size 8 clothes so all was grand.  Looking back my mood swings were horrendous, my self confidence was non existent and often all I wanted to do was think about food or sleep.

Falling pregnant in 2013 meant that I had to start taking better care of my body in order to grow our beautiful daughter.  I was hungry/ HANGRY pretty much ALL of the time and boy did I eat.  Finding Sam and having our daughter did stop me from abusing my body and I began to at least respect it for taking care of my daughter for 9 months and delivering her safely into my arms on December 31st 2013.

Again, if you know me or have read my blog before then you will know that I quickly fell pregnant with our son 3 months after having Posey.  This meant that getting my body ready for our wedding went out the window and again I focused on eating 'well' for our unborn child.  We were blessed with our little boy 9 months later but it meant that I absolutely hated myself on our wedding day and unfortunately struggle to look at most of the photographs that were taken on the day.  - I feel it is important to point out here that our wedding day was still one of the happiest days of my life, I married the man of my absolute dreams with our daughter by our sides and our son in my belly.

Fast forward to 2019... I have just turned 30 and my husband has recently started hitting it hard at the gym.  He has always been active but has become seriously motivated to eat well, nourish his body and train like a beast.  I am so proud of him but it also turns out I am quite competitive... so I started following him to the gym.

The gym has seriously awakened something inside of me (so cheesy i know but it is true).  At first I was absolutely terrible at it and attempting to work out having not had time to eat much at work or drink much water.  I found myself feeling inspired to train harder and make my body stronger.  I am motivated to learn more about food and nutrition.  I want to know about foods to improve my skin, my mood, my fitness and my energy levels.  I want to learn about HIIT sessions that can improve my stamina and my strength not that can make me 'drop a dress size' or gain a beach body within a week!

The shift in my mindset is honestly incredible I am less frightened of food and far more willing to learn about my body and take care of it.  Instead of cursing it and hating my IBS I am trying different ways to appease it.  Instead of reaching for alllll the Diet Coke to get me through the day I am starting my days with a hot lemon water and drinking so much water - now don't get me wrong I am still me and I still love Diet Coke but there are changes around here and I am bloody happy about them.

Do I love my body now?  - no, it would be silly to say that I do but I am working with it now and trying to take care of it.  I want to be a mum that my children are proud of and one that has energy and good mental health.  I love to train with Sam and I honestly think it is working wonders in our marriage and basically I am just a happier, more motivated person.

I actually think that this change will stick too -  going to the gym is now something I really look forward to, I am enjoying learning about nutrition and bringing our children along for the ride -  and look, I am motivated to write again so I must be onto a winner.

If you are looking to change and become more in tune with your body's needs and your mental health and sincerely recommend you look up Sarahs_day - she is an Australian holistic health blogger and YouTuber.  She is massively motivating and has so much knowledge to share with daft sods like me who really didn't know a thing about taking care of my body and mind.

side note: thank you Sam for also being massively motivating and supportive - not only does he big me up and support me but he also bought me an Apple Watch and air pods last week to show me how proud of me he is! I mean #husbandgoals or what?!

Sorry for such a long winded post - I am just feeling motivated and actually possibly maybe just a little bit proud of myself!

Thanks for stopping by,

Looking forward to 2018.

So after being inspired by Jessica Avey's most recent video over on youtube, 'start your goals today' I thought I would write a post quickly looking back over what we achieved as a family in 2017 and what we intend to work towards in 2018.  I am hoping that actually writing it down on here might make me stick to what I say (here's hoping).

Our 2017.

During the in-between festive days of last Christmas Sam and I sat down and basically decided that something needed to change.  Not in a dramatic sense just that although we both enjoy our teaching careers and are happy as a family of four we just felt really frustrated with the monotony of daily life.  We felt that we were working very hard, spending minimal time with our littles and yet not really reaping the rewards.  By this, we mainly meant financially.  We had bought a lovely house but along with the lovely house came a hefty mortgage and along with the two beautiful children came hefty childcare fees.  All this meant two full time jobs but not a lot of money left over for enjoying life as a family.  We thought about maybe leaving teaching, we both have lots of other ideas and passions that we would love to pursue.  We decided actually that we wanted a little of an adventure for us a family and we weren't ready to give up on our teaching careers just yet.  And that is the point where we started to research teaching internationally.  We spent a lot of time thinking about where in the world we should go and decided on Abu Dhabi.

This one decision obviously changed our lives and kind of turned it upside down.  It took a lot of planning, organisation, money and tears to get us to the land of sand.  Honestly, I cannot believe we are here.  Life here has it's ups and downs but generally it is a really great experience.  It has definitely allowed us to spend more quality time together and it has showed Sam and I that we have the capability to change our lives massively, follow our dreams and survive it! Ha.

So, now it comes to thinking about what we want to achieve in 2018.  I feel like we have big shoes to fill, if that makes sense.  How can we top the changes we made in 2017?


Goals and dreams for 2018 and beyond... 

Goals for me:

1. Continue with my blog -  Writing is something that I love.  It has always been a passion of mine and I spent many years keeping a daily diary.  I wanted to have a blog for so long but it took a lot of confidence for me to actually do it.  Now I am doing it, I want to keep it up.  My mind is literally buzzing with ideas for the content and I am determined to keep it up this year.  Even if it's just for me.

2. Be less of a 'shouty mum' - Mum guilt is such a monster that plagues literally every mama I know.  When I get stressed or anxious I often find that I become much more shouty with my children.  Then I immediately feel guilty about it.  I have been reading lots about mindfulness and I am hoping to try and use that to help me tackle my stress and emotion so that I don't take it out on my children as often.

3.  Self- improvement-  I know that this is something that so many people have as a goal in January but this is entirely necessary for me.  I often need my husband or a friend to help me feel better about myself.  In 2018 I intend to exercise more and go to bed earlier as a starting point for this.  I also hope to learn more about photography and try my hand at calligraphy too!


Goals for us:

1. Our YouTube channel -  We have finally took the plunge and started a YouTube channel.  Our daughter Posey is most definitely the reason behind this decision.  She absolutely loves watching back clips that we have captured of our family.  I am a massive YouTube fan and so is my husband so we thought lets stop think wouldn't it be great if... and actually start it.

2. Savings - We have some big plans for life when we finally return to the UK so we plan on saving hard.  We still want to enjoy life out here in the desert but we have long term goals too (including, hopefully baby no.3).

3. Travel - We want to to take the children to visit some of the other emirates whilst we live in Abu Dhabi.  We also want to take the children on our first family holiday abroad.  As silly as it sounds now that we live in the UAE we haven't been further than Ireland before this.

4.  Healthy living - Meaning healthier food and a sport/ hobby that we do separately that we enjoy.  Sam really enjoys sports so is determined to get back into that more this year.  I am hoping to ignite my enthusiasm for exercise this year.  I really enjoyed yoga when my lovely friend Sally took me along to her class so I am looking for a class out here that I can go to.

Goals for our children: 

1.  For them both to be able to swim - Posey has a weekly swimming lesson at school but we would like her and Lochlann to take private swimming lessons.  We have a pool literally a 2 minute walk away from our house that an instructor can come too so we are going to sort that out for January.

2.  Music- Sam is musical and was offered the opportunity to pick an instrument and have music lessons from a young age.  We both want the same for our children as I don't play any instruments and I wish I did.

That's it.  I would love to know what you goals are for you and your family.
Wish us luck with ours.

Thanks for stopping by and Happy New Year.

Holly x

P.S If you would like to follow our daily Expat adventures then please come and visit our YouTube channel.

Dear Diary June 2017

When I younger, certainly through my teenage years and early twenties (as if I am now classed as my late twenties) I kept a diary.  I wrote in it every day, religiously.  It had my deepest, darkest thoughts inside it.  Every happy memory, worry and low moment I had, written down.  For many years it was my escape and the only way I could manage to get through the external things that went on that were out of my control.  Then I met my husband and the writing stopped.  He said it was because we were content, happy and I agreed.  I was proud that I didn't need to pour myself into my writing anymore and for a long time I haven't written.
But I have missed it.

I didn't always write because I needed to escape sometimes I wrote to recount a happy day, to ramble or simply for myself and over the last year or so I have come to really miss it.  This blog came about mainly to document the lives of our two beautiful children but I have decided to use it as my outlet too.  Both for the happy times and the not so happy.  A blog is basically an online journal and so why not use it as one?

So from time to time, when I feel inspired to do so I will write a Dear Diary post.  It will be for me.  Perhaps others might read it and of course I would love for that to happen.  Every connection I have made with a reader of my little slice of the net has been a positive one and it would be great if people felt they could connect with me through these posts too.

There will be no agenda or strict list of subjects for this part of my blog.  I may ramble more than usual and for that I apologise. But man, it feels good just to write...  I feels like I have rediscovered a small part of me that I had lost to my past.  It is ok to write, it is good to write especially when I have some many wonderful people in my life to write about now and so many exciting adventures that we are about to embark upon!

Anyway, there we have it.  Dear Diary entry number one.  :)

Working on me

Recently I have been feeling really crap about myself.  I have never been overly confident but recently every little thing I don't love about myself seems to have intensified.  Some days I really dislike myself which is hard for me because I try desperately to hide it from the people around me and especially from my children because I don't want them to see their mama sad.  It is also hard for my husband as he tries so hard to make me feel better so it frustrates me when he feels like nothing he says reaches me.

So although it is not going to be an overnight change I feel like I need set myself little things that I want to do to make me feel better about me.  To give me chance to sort myself out just a little so that I can be a little more comfortable in my skin and I can therefore be a better teacher, wife and most importantly a better mama,

So here are the things I plan on focusing on (the theory being, if I write it on here then I might stick to it).

Here goes...

1. Drink more water

2. Go to bed no later than 10:30pm

3. Complete a Joe Wicks workout at least 3 times a week

4. Spend one night a week doing small things just for me (bath time, reading books, painting nails).

5. Spend less time in the mirror judging myself!

So there we have it 5 things I am going to work on.  What kind of things do you do for yourself when you are trying to make yourself feel better or feel more confident in your own skin?  Let me know.

Love to all the mamas, teachers and wives trying their very best out there!

Thanks for stopping by.

Lots of love. xx

Insta' living.

I have just relished two weeks off.  Time off to recuperate, time off with my lovely little family and time off (lets be honest) to scroll the shit out of Instagram.  I can literally live on this app if I am not careful and constantly find myself thinking, 'oh that'll be a good snap for Instagram.'  We are all guilty of this right and what's the harm? Whilst I don't want to become real negative on my blog I do feel it is necessary for me to write this post...

The last few days I have found myself in a Instagram hole! I have been lost in all the pretty posts, flat lays and photos of beautiful homes and beautiful mamas.  Honestly, it has made me feel like utter crap.  I have felt useless and ugly... it has not been a good place.  It has affected how I have mothered and it has affected the kind of wife I have been to my husband.  Not good. 

I try to have confidence in myself and I really enjoy using Instagram.  I love taking photos and I love writing the little captions underneath each one to document what is going on day to day.  It enables me to write without needing to find the time to blog.  My Instagram feed is my mini blog. But I just don't feel like I compare to all these beautiful mamas that seem to have their shit together.  I don't seem to have tapped into that, 'amazing community' that lots of the lovely ladies I follow talk about.  

I have sat and wondered what is wrong with me, why don't I fit?  Will I ever be good enough?

This post is a reminder to both myself and anyone that might be reading it that Instagram is simply an app... a brilliant app but just an app nevertheless.  My feed doesn't define me and it really shouldn't matter but it does to me.   I need to learn to not let things get to me so much.

Right, rant over.  I am zonked after my first day back teaching after the holidays.  My bed is calling and so is One Born Every Minute... BABY OBSESSED.

Thanks for stopping by,
Lots of love. xx