A letter to our boy.

Dear Lochlann,

My dear boy, my quiet sensitive little soul who happily plays on his own for hours, is almost three.  I am sat writing this not long after you had an epic tantrum down at the pool.  This proved as a stark reminder that you are still so young even though three seems so grown up.

Truth be told I probably do baby you a little.  Your daddy tells me I do.  But you're so quiet and with those beautiful blonde curly locks, how can I not?  You still use a dummy and we are struggling to potty train you but having spoken to many boy mamas recently I am not too worried.  We will get there, you're just not quite ready and that is okay sweet boy.

You coped with moving out here better than I thought you might considering you are such a home boy.  You are forever asking if we can go home yet, whenever we venture out.  It turns out though, that home to you is wherever your things are and wherever your mama, your daddy and your sister are.

Once in nursery you enjoy it, especially as it has it's own soft play and park.  I know you are safe there and happy.  Your teacher says you will always happily join in during teacher led activities but that you are most happy when in your own little world playing with trucks and trains.  You have made a couple of little friends though and you talk about them which is lovely to hear.  I worry a little for when you move up to our school in September.  I wonder whether you would be better off staying in a small, private nursery instead of in FS1 at school.  But I have faith in you and your sister will be a friendly face just down the corridor.

This Christmas you were an absolute delight.  You asked for one thing and one thing only- a fire engine.  Boy do you love fire engines.  Last Christmas you were more overwhelmed than excited so this year has been just brilliant.  You and your sister buzzed off one another's excitement and I will never forget the pure joy on your face when you finally opened that fire engine.  You seem to love anything with an engine, trains, trucks, tractors and diggers though we never pushed gender specific toys (after all your sister was here first so there were plenty of other toys around).  But there is no doubt about it you are an engines boy.  You love racing them round your road rug and will happily play with them for hours.  You also love playing kitchens and more recently you and your sister have started playing mummies, daddies and grandads which is just the sweetest thing ever.

We all love you so much little Lochlann.  You are a quiet one but come out with little one-liners that can leave us all howling.  I am proud to say that you are a mama's boy but of course you love your daddy too.  Lets see what the year of three has in store for you (apart from potty training, giving up a dummy and starting pre-school- phew).

We love you dearly Lochlann Armstrong Samuel.

Happy birthday my boy.

Lots of love,

Mummy xx

A letter to my first born.

Dear Posey,

Tomorrow you turn 4.  Four years old.  I knew it's a typical mother thing to say and so cliche but I can't believe how quickly those four years have whizzed by.  At the same time though I struggle to imagine what life was like before you were here.  Before you I was just a teacher, I felt like something was missing, like I needed purpose.  Then you came along.  You made me a mama and I cannot believe your baby and toddlers years are over.  Our lives have altered in so many ways since you came along. 

You have filled our days with so much happiness since you entered our world and have always been bright as a button.  Everyone who meets you comments on how bright and outgoing you are.  You are doing brilliantly at school, you take it all in your stride (you're even a little cheeky at times) despite all the up-heaval of moving half way across the world.  I was worried when we moved out here, as I know you love your family so fiercely.  I was scared you would hate us for taking you away from them.  Yet somehow although you miss them so much I can see you almost understand why we have brought you here.  You tell me about how we get to swim a lot and go out for dinner together, which you love.  You and your brother always ask for us to eat as a family - which is just the loveliest thing.  I hope you want this for many years to come. 

My how you've grown, you are little miss independent.  You have your own little group of friends at school and you just love to boss your little brother around.  You are actually very protective when it comes to your brother (only you are allowed to wind him up it seems).  It is the little moments between you two that I love, the way you look out for him or show him how to do something... it just melts my heart.  I worried for you when we fell pregnant with your brother.  After all we had only had you in our arms for a such a short while.  I need not of worried, though you were still so little when Lochlann arrived it was as if you were always meant to be a big sister.

You sleep really well and have finally decided that now you would like to have a glass of milk before bed instead of your beloved bottle.  I often wondered how we would ever get you to give up your bottle.  I should have trusted that you would do it when you were ready, just like everything else you do.  I need to remember not to rush you sometimes.  I often worry that because you are my eldest, I am harder on you, when in actual fact you are still only small.  I hope that when you grow up you'll know that your daddy and I only ever want the best for you. 

Speaking of your daddy, you and him have such a bond.  I love to sit and watch you play.  You are for the most part a daddy's girl but recently you and I have developed a little friendship that I will treasure.  You are like my mini best friend. The other day, you and I went on a little coffee date (you had a babychino) we sat together, chatted and shared a chocolate cake.  Then we played in the rain and you enjoyed splashing in the puddles.  It was such a lovely afternoon.  It meant the world to me. I hope that over the years we will spend many more of these little dates together, just like I did with your Nanna when I was growing up.

So there you go, I guess I should stop waffling now.  The only thing left to say is how incredibly proud your Daddy and I are of you.  You have such a lovely character and although we are sad that you are growing older we are also so excited to see the person you become. You are going to be one amazing young lady, in that I have no doubt.

Love you very much, our first born, our big love.

Happy fourth Birthday Posey Margaret Ivy.

Mummy xx

Dear Posey...

My big love, my girl our little P,

Since you were 2 years and 5 months old you have been dancing with the Ballerina Bears at the JC Dance Academy.  My oh my how you have changed over that time.  I remember taking you for your very first class.  You were so excited but when we arrived you clung to me and would not let me leave you.  It took a few months before you would go in alone but starting nursery helped with that.  Since then every Saturday morning you and I head out to ballet (this is in no way relaxed, always in a rush) leaving Daddy and Lochlann to play at home.  You bounce off into ballet and I have a cup of tea watching you on the TV screen from the parent's room next door.  My favourite part is the end of the class when I come in to collect you and see your beaming face as I enter the room.  Ballerina bears is such a lovely class and I hope it will be something you remember enjoying when you were little. 

This weekend was more special than usual.  It was the JC Dance Academy show... your first ever ballet show.  You have been excited about this for weeks as you were dancing to, 'tale as old as time' from Beauty and the Beast.  I took you to rehearsals and we had talked about the fact there was going to be a stage and you'd be dancing somewhere new.  I had packed you a lunch and your ballerina colouring book.  I dropped you off with Freya (one of your dance teachers), waved goodbye and promised you that when I came back to see your show I would bring Mamar, Grandad, Nanna, Daddy and Lochlann back with me.  I held the tears all the way back to the car and then literally sobbed my heart out.  I was so nervous for you even though you were so brave.  I mean even as a I type this I have a lump in my throat.  Emotions are always getting the better of me! I'd blame motherhood and sleep deprivation but I think I have always been a bit of an emotional wreck! Lol. 

At 2pm the show started, the Ballerina Bears were announced, the familiar music started onto stage you came! Oh Posey it was just the sweetest thing, you were alittle bewildered at first as where lots of the other little ballerinas around you but you soon figured out your surroundings and joined in with the cutest routine you ever did see! I of course, balled like a baby! Your little brother stood eagerly on my knees watching you, shouting your name. Your daddy and I literally burst with pride. We could not be prouder of you we honestly couldn't.  

Well done little girl, you are already far braver than you mama ever has been.  We love you so much and cannot wait to let you watch your performance on the dvd we ordered. Super proud of you P, our little ballerina.

Love you to the moon and back & even in the morning when the sun comes up. 

Mama xx