I am not sure when it happened... don't get me wrong I was never a perfect mama by any means and occasionally I did shout but as my children grow out of their toddler years I seem to be doing it much more often.
Since moving out to Abu Dhabi our lives have been filled with emotional highs and lows and sometimes these are pretty extreme. I think this has had an impact on my parenting. It has taken time to adjust to the earlier get up times, a new job, a new home, the fact that we are constantly together and of course the heat. We still use 'time out' as our main form of discipline and yet I seem to be raising my voice more and more. The truth is the more I yell, the less I am heard and the more both Posey and Lochlann seem to push the boundaries. But then of course they do, who wants to be shouted at by their mama. I need to remember they are still my babies, they are only 3 and 4. Shouting is not the answer not matter how tired or emotional I am and no matter how much they are testing my patience.
Lochlann has hit three and although he is still such a sweet and gentle soul he now has fits of anger and frustration. This frustration sometimes causes him to act out by hitting his sister or yelling, 'no' at Sam and I when we ask him to do something. I think that I know the reasons behind his behaviour though. Not only has he gone through all the changes that we have as a family, he has also been toilet trained and is being weaned off his dummy. I know he is finding the latter of these very difficult so I need to bloody well remember this when he is acting out.
The thing with Posey is that she is a bright young lady and she is testing her limits and ours. She has learned that she can tell lies (by lies I mean little fibs) and this is something we are tackling. She also has a cheeky attitude and now stamps her feet at me if she doesn't get her own way. It absolutely infuriates me when she does this. I then shout and plonk her in time out when really it probably just needs a cuddle and a discussion about the right ways to show her frustration. She is only four after all.
This isn't a, 'oh woe is me, I am such a terrible mother' post. Instead it is me recognising something in my own behaviour and vowing to change it. I am going to talk to my little family and let them know that this is something I am going to work on. I need to speak more softly and hope that I am heard better. I need to go to bed earlier and get more sleep whilst we are off and replenish my energy. I also think making healthier eating choices and taking some time to exercise (aka have some time to myself without feeling mega guilty) will help me be a calmer, happier mama.
I love my babies, I am in love with my little family and I need to make sure they know how much they are loved. Shouting is not my parenting style and it stops here.
Thanks for taking the time to read. If you are a parent reading this, I hope you can understand.